dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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