he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
