I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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