we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
