I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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