HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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