they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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