I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
