when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
