um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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