Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
