Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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