So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
