It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
