the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize