i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
