Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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