o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize