she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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