Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
