he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You are a genius and a whore.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
