Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
