Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
