i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
