He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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