you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize