She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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