oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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