i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
