A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
