She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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