just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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