For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
