Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
