i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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