Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize