I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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