If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
