Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize