Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
