Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
