My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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