I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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