listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
