you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've blown a few things in my day
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
