i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
