I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
