i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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