i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
