he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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