My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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