I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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