He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
