I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
