everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We're too hungover to prance.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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