We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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