Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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