Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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