I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
