Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
