...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
