Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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