when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
