im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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