Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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