The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
