so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
