roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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