she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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