Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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