honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
