In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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