Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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