when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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