this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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