My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
