She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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