There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
