we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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