No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
