naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
