You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We have so much sex to catch up on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
