My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
