Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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