Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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