I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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