How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
