If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
