I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
