he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
