god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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