If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
