I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
