I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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