We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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