Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
