I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh god it's open bar.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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