I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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