he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize