is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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