I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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