1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
