Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
