I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize