1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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