One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
