just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
