I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
