Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize